I’ve been busy these past few weeks. Busier than normal.
In addition to keeping our children and myself alive, I decided to:
- eliminate meat from my diet
- rearrange our house on a daily basis
- implement a Montessori based approach to play
- complete a DIY project each week
Also, I’ve been shampooing our carpet about 3 times a week, for fun. And because our dog likes to shit repeatedly in the same section.
It’s been great.
Every night I’ve been slamming down on my bed, thinking “Holy shit… what just happened? What day is it? Why do things feel like such a struggle lately?”. And then it hit me. I’m doing that thing where I take on projects rather than work through problems. I do it a lot.
BUT, I’m getting better at taking a step back and realizing what I’m doing before it gets to a level of total overwhelm.
I think the problem that I’ve been avoiding is that I feel like I’m losing control. Our babies aren’t really babies anymore. We officially have two toddlers. They’ve developed unique personalities and interests and are very curious. I used to be able to scoop them up into my arms and bring them with me wherever I wanted to go. Now, they squirm away from me yelling that they want to do something else. They swat at the food I worked really hard to prepare for them, they throw toys, and they make messes. They yell at me for no apparent reason. They can act so immature at times… almost like children.
Oh, right! That’s because they are children. They’re exploring and learning every single moment of the day. I got caught up in having them as my two little buddies that I forgot that they are their own entities.
So that feeling of having lost control over my sidekicks has led me to take on projects that I have more influence over. And straight up- I haven’t admitted that until right now. It sounds ridiculous, I know. It’s something that I’m working on and I would LOVE to hear that I’m not alone in this never-ending struggle to have control over everything.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “this girl is capital C crazy” then you’re probably right. But if a little part of you is thinking “Gee… I’ve been keeping myself extra busy lately too” or something along those lines, then it might help to pause and think about why you’re so busy.
If you’re in a similar stage as me right now, where life seems to be rushing past you, then know that you’re not alone.